Deal with the Shadowy Figure

Happy Halloween.

Question: How do you get KnewKnow to answer your question?

Answer: Post online, "This is so broken. How would you fix it?"

As a Tridion question, he is compelled to answer as part of some unholy contract he's made with some shadowy figure.

First, pick a "shadowy figure" of your choice.

"Please, make me a Tridion expert," pleaded KnewKnow to the shadowy figure. 

An ominous voice replied, "I shall grant your wish but when no one's looking, you will become a pair of chucks and will be compelled to answer all Tridion questions."

And that's the story of KnewKnow. [cue lightning and thunder... aww come on, I know it's nice weather here...]

More deals-with-the-shadowy figure. See if you can guess who's who.

1. An ominous voice replied, "I shall grant your wish but whenever someone says Java, you cannot resist."
2. An ominous voice replied, "I shall grant your wish but no one will intentionally listen to you in person. You will have to blog to share ideas."
3. An ominous voice replied, "I shall grant your wish but you will not be able to forget code you've written, especially if it's in .NET. Good or bad, it will forever be etched into your mind. You will also look quite young as those around you age like normal consultants."
4. An ominous voice replied, "I shall grant your wish but you will attract the attention of beautiful women possibly younger than you, but you won't realize they like you. After asking any technical question the answer will instantly come to you but only after you worry for exactly 3 seconds."
5. An ominous voice replied, "Wait, show me how you extended that extendable area in schemas, I've always wanted to do that!"
6. An ominous voice cracks, "No deal, man. I'm not a fool! You're already an expert! Please don't correct my TRex answers!"

Your turn. As the lucky and unfortunate hero in a similar tale of woe, what would the conditions of the deal be?

Answers in case you missed them: Mihai, me, The Huizard, a semi-anonymous "random" colleague and friend, the most interesting Tridionaut (Jaime), and the infamous Mr. P.  I'm excluding some well-worn inside jokes out of respect for my colleagues, audience patience, and my blogging quota.